Nanny M. managed to find usefulness in the barren brown rock pit that is our backyard.  We were trying to think of ways to decorate with what I already had and the light bulb went off again. She is spray painting twigs pulled of the bushes to put in key locations inside. I had some leftover sparkles from a Martha Stewart ornament – debacle from a few years ago so she added that to some of them on top  of the paint.

By the way, the chocolate and vanilla sandwich cookies in this month’s Better Homes and Gardens were really good. It was kind of exhausting making them, but I think worth it in the end and wound up being a nice gift for a few friends. Steve liked the vanillas so much he tossed out this compliment: ” you finally made something I like, why can’t I keep them? ” I almost did a photo- op but they are not quite as photo worthy as the ones in the magazine.
Lucky break that Nanny M. used to be a decorator. I thought the tree was done but then she brought in some silvery gauzy stuff she had lying around and was trying to teach me how to tie it up in ribbons to further embellish the ornaments. I love sewing and the idea of cooking, etc. , but that kind of thing does not sound like fun. Nanny M. could sit for a half hour weaving ribbon around a little button but doesn’t like to sew clothing. It’s kind of like a mini production line around here if I make up something with a pattern and then hand it off to her for finishing and embellishment. Right now we have to amp up the practice teaching James to walk so time will be limited for sewing.

The other nice idea she had was to put all kinds of old black and white photos around, so I took out some from my mother’s stash. There are a few old pictures with Santa when she and my father were kids. Nice ones that you wouldn’t really display the rest of the year. Too much time has passed since they died. This year I notice that it does not seem so abnormal not to have a large family anymore. Up until now it was like being orphaned in a war; with everyone disappearing all at once. But now it just is. I don’t know what that means for James and the traditions he will value. If you never had a big family would you therefore not miss it? Maybe that is where Hinduism comes in? I can share those things with him. And I never had a chance before to have a Hindu family and now we can do that. I still wish he could have experienced at least one christmas with my parents. I don’t know how to convey what that was like to him. At least with my grandfather, who died when I was very young, I have a few memories. And lots of stories from my parents, aunts and uncles that makes him feel real to me. My stories aren’t as good as those of the people who don’t come around anymore. I don’t have the same information and I can’t tell it like they do. Like my uncle Kenny, wherever he is, used to crack me up with the funny tales about everyone in the family.

Well enough of that for now. I have to go get crafty and finish this stuff before it’s time to take it all down again.

Merry Krishna!

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Maui! I miss you already.

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These photos are from my little peetham, Dakshinakalika.  I think it deserves a makeover; I don’t like the bricks anymore.  Devi should go up on the wall and maybe I can get Steve to make me something as a platform for the Devi and puja articles?

I ordered the 5 inch meru after I did the conversions from rupees to dollars on the ten inch one!  It is so beautiful, I’m happy. For right now I think I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves. But never fear, more later.

This link explains all about the meru and the benefits of having one to people of all faiths.

mahameru-from-devipuram-book-final-edition-i

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Talks on Mahakumbabishekam 2010, the meaning of Navaratri, and the truth about the Tamil situation in Sri Lanka.

I’m not a video buff so hopefully t his will work the way I uploaded it. There are a  few more portions that I filmed and they will be uploaded when I figure out how!

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Spoiler alert: this story includes a graphic description of  potty activities.

So you all saw the recent video of James Rishi on his big wheel, and how worried I was because he was so tired and floppy. And the reason why I am so worried.

Well, I’m sitting at my computer typing away today, when James crawls into the other room where his toys are. Two minutes later he comes walkin on back in … in his walker! He just grabbed it on his own and took off on it. He has been walking pretty well when we put him in it, but today was the first time I saw him get it on his own.  Now I’m so excited I jump up and start having him chase me around the house. Only now I wish I had put  more clothes on first because he went suddenly to the back door and wanted to go outside. Not wanting Impatient Nation to change his mind, get frustrated and start screaming, I opened the door and we went on to the back porch.  He ‘s running around , I let him pick up the stupid rocks he’s obsessed with and then thankfully, he let that go after a minute.  But it’s hot and we’re barefoot so I go get his shoes. Two minutes later he wants to go back in. But he continues to maneuver the walker around the  house so I’m down with that.

He flies  through the hallway and veers into the bathroom. At first I thought this an accident, and was waiting for the blood curdling screams of frustration when he realized he was stuck. But instead he sat down, backed away from the walker and crawled over to the toilet. Then he pulls himself up and tries to lift the lid. I was hoping he wanted to go potty but after the  two ten pound diapers I changed today, figured he just wanted to see the toilet flush. That’s the biggest thing he got out of potty training so far. Well, ok, he deserves a reward so I’m flushing it, he’s laughing, I’m swatting his arm out of the way every time he tries to stick his hand in the toilet..and then, coincidentally  (? ) I smell poopy. While  I pondered the reason for this smell,  just a minute later  comes the reason for it on the floor at his feet.  ( I had whisked off his diaper just incase I could take advantage of a potty opportunity )  Holy crap!!  He had walked into the bathroom on his own…went right to the toilet…. and now here is a poopy!!!  It was a miracle. I hurry to reach for the toilet paper to pick it up because I want him to see it and start to get the clue about what poopy is.  But too slow mommy! Splat. Goes his foot right on it. Now I know why designers say it’s gross to put a rug right under the toilet.  But it was salvageable. I showed him anyway. I tried to, he wasn’t as interested as the previous night when he was out on the porch, sans underwear, and one just dropped out of the blue while he was standing up at a wall. He FINALLY noticed it after I’ve been trying to direct his attention to it for over a week.

I reached the conclusion that he probably doesn’t have the bladder control for potty training yet, so this episode was a healthy dose of false hope for me.

Anyway. Then he moved on to the tub and started going nuts about getting in because he’s fascinated with water. While I am getting the water started he crawls into the tub himself! I didn’t even  have time to get off his shoes and shirt. The faucet is different than the tub in our room where we usually bath him so he spent the next 15 minutes working the handle that varies the water stream.  When I finally got him out  he actually went on to the walker again for a minute. Then he saw the computer and it was all over, I had to put Sesame Street on for him. How could I say no after that genius production?  Hate for him to lose his steam though, he was so into cruising around the house again after I had just started to get hysterical about the cyst and tiredness.

And all this on a 15 minute nap he took in the car today.

Damn.. new I’d forget something. Before he went into the other room for his walker, he was lying on the ground playing with two of his rings. So when he came back on the walker, he had placed them on the handle bars, the appropriate colors on each side of course.

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Adventures in potty training today.  We saw an opportunity this morning and tried for the first time but it was a bad day for baby James. Nanny Magyver  thought he might be about to poop so she tried to get him on his little training potty. But  he woke up today somehow knowing that we were going to lay down the law and not give in to the screaming fits, and geared up to be extra pissy to compensate and the potty attempt was a total waste of time. We wound up with nothing in the potty but a lotta pee on my leg. I don’t know why, on occasion, he wakes up only wanting me, and only wanting me to hold him standing up. Not sitting down, not eating or playing. And he has a holy fit until that happens.  Today was that day. I wish I taped it for you,  it’s one of those things that is so amazing you can’t believe it’s happening, like in a movie. But he’s two. And he’s heavy. So mommy can’t hold him like that all the time anymore, if at all.

Our speech therapist said it took her less than two weeks to potty train her kids because when they woke up with a dry diaper she just took them to their potty and gave them juice or read a story and waited for them to pee in the thing and being boys they got a kick out of it when they noticed it and wala! Painless and quick.  So far for us I either haven’t seen enough dry diaper opportunities, or there is a tantrum issue in the way, like this morning.  It’s no use trying to force potty training until they are able to hold it, which is when you will start seeing more dry diapers in the a..m., so rather than force a lot of painful  battles, just go with the flow. So to speak.

Then, dear friends, listen to this: I saw Supernatural on the CW for the first time last night and thought it was a new show! That’s how out of the t.v loop I am.    In the nick of time too, cruel fate, because I had just convinced my  husband that we needed to save the $100 a month and cut out the cable because a)  the t.v is never on unless Steve is home at night and b) we don’t watch 90% of the channels.  But last night I’m alone with Rishi and Steve is out of town, so I flip through the channels aimlessly, just for a minute to occupy Rishi before bed.  And it sucked me in. It is so stupid and the acting is terrible but I couldn’t turn it off. It was mesmerizing. I love it!  I love Dean. And that writer being the Prophet of the Lord. Awesome.   They didn’t need to make him have headaches for his visions though, that wasn’t very nice.  Makes me tense up whenever it’s about to happen.  I hope they are purposefully acting that way because it is a dumb show, and not that they are genetically Keanu Reeves- bad at acting.  It kind of seemed like it might be a strategy.

Then Nanny M. comes in today and she said she did the same thing last night!  Same thing, got suckered in, thought it was a new show. Haha. It’s been on since 2005!   She read that the fans want it to go to HBO  so it can win an Emmy, or something like that. I think that would be  neat just so we can see a lot more of Dean, if you get my drift.

Facebook: I hate it.  It annoys the hell out of me that people won’t do emails or pick up the phone anymore because they would rather post inane and sometimes annoying sound bites on the public forum. It’s like ” I don’t have time for you. Leave a message.”  I’m going to ween myself off of it and purposefully interact with people in more adult ways, like writing to them individually in emails, maybe have a private, thoughtful interaction for a change.  It’s getting so that I cringe when I sign in because I know I’m going to read something irritating like people who should know better voting Yes on Palin and No on Obama, or friends that I love, and one that I don’t even know, posting yet again what a wonderful day it is and how excited they are to be alive. I love you. I want you to always feel the wonderful exciting thrill to be alive and be happy. I do.  I just don’t want you to tell me about it every day. Please keep it in your pants. Or the times when I ask a question to the masses and no one answers.

There are some very exciting photographic trips coming up. Can’t wait to show you those pictures. Have  a nice day for now.

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So.  Today is Sunday, no babysitter until tomorrow and Steve went golfing in the  monster truck this morning.  It once irritated me that Steve had to  have that big gas guzzler of a contraption as our primary vehicle, but I have come to appreciate the little things it does,  like the way it welcomes with the open arms of its stoic bed the stroller I hurl into it with all my might,  while it is  nearly impossible trying to shove it into the hatch back.  But today I’m alone with James Rishi who has just woken up from a nap very cranky. I need to go for some errands and James definitely needs to get out.  I thought two little stops would be do -able, Verizon for my cell phone battery and a quick trip through Target.  Scleroderma and Polymyositis has caused severe muscle damage, making me weak to the point of disability. You wouldn’t know this by looking at me. Superficially I look like any other healthy , dare I say young  female.  Therefore people always look at me strangely when I ask for assistance with my child  at those times when I need to go out and there is no one to accompany me. Recently I have been very blessed to have care giving help that James Rishi qualifies for  so that I am able to have someone with me to lift James in and out of the car, and the stroller.. lift groceries in and out of the car for me, a hundred everyday things that I would love to be able to do for myself.   Before Nanny M. came along, I would have to either stay at home or stop strangers in public parking lots, who thankfully were always very kind and helpful, if a bit weirded out.

I didn’t want to deal with the huge effort to get the stroller in the toyota, and I figured I could handle carrying him the short distance from my car to the Verizon store ( Chandler, Arizona, Sunday afternoon ) with their little parking lot. And Target is usually helpful so that wouldn’t be a problem.  And I was just tired of having to always wait for others  whenever I want to go somewhere. Most of the time I’m a home body, its not a problem to be in the house all day. But today…. So off we went.  I got James out of the car and up to the shiny glass door of Verizon but needed someone to open the door for  me because I can’t hold him with one arm. There I stood. Toddler in arms, obviously struggling with him. There was a beefy female employee with Eddie Van  Halen hair circa 1984 but auburn and with no makeup to accentuate it, on the other side standing alone, not presently in the middle of helping anyone. When she realized I wanted her to open the door she walked over with a put out expression, as if it were asking quite a lot. But she did it. I said ” I just need to buy a battery for my Curve”   The young man behind the counter somewhere between teenager and maybe, but doubtfully, early twenties, told me that they don’t carry those normally and would have to order it.  In the time it took him to relay this information James Rishi is still cranky and wanting I don’t know what. He is wiggling and irritated so I put him down on the floor before I dropped him. But now I need to leave and in order for me to pick him up off the ground I need to sit down on a chair or something and then stand up with him from there. I can’t lift him from that low level all the way up past my chest. There was no such seat available so I say to the  young man ” can you pick him up and hand him to me? ”  Now on every other occasion I have had to do this with strangers , usually in parking lots where I need to get  him out of a shopping cart and into a car seat, I always tried to stammer out some awkward explanation of why I can’t lift my child because I know it isn’t obvious at first glance. But today, for some reason… I just was sick of that. So I said nothing else but please help me.

The  young man in his little shirt and tie and skater dude haircut says in a distinctly less pleasant tone than previously  ” I”m not comfortable picking up your child”.   Having the good sense not to shout out the expletives that came to mind, I was at a loss for words. But I was  pissed.  I’m still standing there not picking up my child who is now screaming, so he asks the  beefy female employee to do it. And she says ” I”m not comfortable either.” and she still looks put out, but she did it.

I’m walking out the door loudly commenting on how rude the boy was as he was holding the door for my exit, and he still maintained snottily that he was sorry but “not comfortable picking up my child”  As I”m leaving I hear behind me snickering from the customers, every one of whom completely ignored me and refused to lift a finger. Obviously they thought I was outrageously out of line to expect anyone to help  me.  Two of the closest customers were a middle aged , healthy looking couple. Seemingly physically able to offer assistance if they could have been bothered. And from a generation that should know better. Who knows? Maybe they had a physical limitation too and not just jackass syndrome.

Friends of mine that own businesses said they can understand that the employees were probably worried about being sued and even Steve said he has been told at work they are not to touch anyone.. or their children.  But I say hogwash. ( I”m really saying something else,  fill in the blank )  For one thing, this boy was literally not more than two feet distance from me, and all I wanted him to do was lift him  high enough for me to catch him. Very  clearly a low risk situation.  I don’t even want to know what would have happened had I asked him to lift him into the car seat for me. And besides that, how the hell can any decent person stand by and refuse to offer assistance to a woman and her child? It is offensive, unbelievable and inexcusable. And I’m tired of that being an acceptable excuse for rudeness and incivility: this fear of being sued.  There is no excuse people!  It is not ok to be rude and selfish especially when people need help. Instead of refusing to be the decent human beings God intended you to be, why not fight the powers that allow these ridiculous law suits and work to change things?  Why not refuse to be a lazy pansy and insist on doing the right thing because it would make you feel like a jerk  not to? Of  course the other essential part of that would be changing the dozens of  things in our society that contribute to this culture of rudeness.  Like not thanking people for gifts, or not RSVP-ing, or watching endless hours of violence and degradation on the big and small screen twenty four hours a day.  It’s all in the details my friends and the details are not good.  We have decreased our sensitivity to others so much and increased our sensitivity to ourselves so much that its not just the jackasses of our world that are afflicted. Even people I know who are good , intelligent and whom I call friends have expressed an astounding acceptance of thoughtlessness towards their fellow man.  I’ve argued at length with Nanny M, a person who spends most of her daily life helping others for a living and goes above and beyond the call of duty while on the job out of the goodness of her heart, about why it it is not ok to ignore RSVP’s and to not receive a thank you for a gift. She , and even a therapist I once talked to.. a PhD for godsake!!  – they both espouse this hoaky  philosophy  that because reality is subjective we can’t judge other people for what they think is right and also we don’t know what reasons they have, maybe they were having a bad day… don’t demand everyone live on my standards..   And then they’ll toss out some ridiculous example of how things are different in Saudi Arabia or whatever, presumably proving that differences should be respected.  But of course we are living in the United States of America, where common rules of etiquette and decency  were evolved so that  we would not have social anarchy and all of the sins that come with it.  I love the free styling, hippy thing as much as anyone, but that does not mean it is ok to be rude.

My friend said that I just can’t expect to go everywhere and have people help me.  Really? That tiny little bit of help is too much? But it is reasonable to expect the polar opposite: rudeness, meanness, ignorance, selfishness? Because otherwise we might get sued so lets all be jerks instead.

All of these people at Verizon in Chandler, AZ on Sunday afternoon around 2pm probably didn’t know that I had a physical limitation, they probably thought I was just lazy or ghetto or something.  ( I was wearing sweatpants and a tank top that showed my bra straps. Another thing Nanny M and I disagree on but I did it anyway today )It’s possible. My inlaws think I’m lazy and they know I have a disease. But they were so offensive, the staff and the customers, that I wonder if they would have helped even if I were in a wheel chair with no legs and blind  with mettle bars holding my skull together.

Honestly, I miss the good old days.  I feel like apologizing to my son for bringing him into this world sometimes.

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Just noticing there are several links to beef recipes on my alltop widget today. Don’t they know I’m vegetarian?  Yuck.  Eventually I will have a separate  blog set up for the photography business. Look for that.  I’m researching  designs right now but in the meantime, can be contacted through here at panamom.com.

My little boy is out with the babysitter right now without me!  I feel terrible. He’s only two for crying out loud. It’s too soon!  He needs to get out and see other kids though and mommy has to get some work done. So he’s at the play area in the mall because it is a gazillion degrees here in phoenix. That didn’t strike me as a very friendly place. I’ve noticed, too, the few times he has been around other little kids they are not as social as expected. Poor little James will go up to some little person, grinning ear to ear as if to say ” HI FRIEND!”  and the little miscreant will invariably ignore him or walk away. ( I’m biased. If you have a little miscreant, don’t be offended ) And at the mall, the parents seem to have the same syndrome. So I joined a mommy website today, wish me luck that pans out.

Recently he has been babbling non stop. No actual words, but it seems like there’s something on his mind that could be translated if only we knew the language.

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This is the fashion show for my latest sewing project.   The pattern is from Vanilla House and I think I ordered it from Sew Baby?  Anyway, this was a quickie  photo shoot due to the triple digit temperature outside.  As usual Nanny Mcguyver  saved the day when she brought over a whole lotta vintage fabric and old buttons, so  we made a cute little bag with straps and a button to wrap it in, which was then wrapped in another old cloth, which was then wrapped in tissue paper , which was then tied with some fabric from the apron.   ( the whole thing was a gift for my sister in law. She doesn’t even have it yet and I’m posting pictures! )   Originally I bought the paisley  fabric because I thought I might make some summer pants, but then I kept thinking of my sister in law, who is blond.  The message from God seemed to be make her an apron so now I’m still looking for pants.  Or maybe a skirt. Nanny M. wears nothing but retro dresses and I think I might be getting the fever.  Here’s how hot it was in Phoenix today:  I needed help with James Rishi in the pool so she promptly stepped right in wearing her dress, all the way to the neck, and two minutes after she got out it was all dry.

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